雅思写作知识点分析！(十六)

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应对

Some people think young people are more suitable to be leaders rather than

old people.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

这个题目

学生写道如下一句：

Although young leaders are able to adapt to different environments and

absorb latest technologies, the two superiorities (学生的上一句中写道mature和experienced)

of old leaders are considered more competitive in leadership than that of young

leaders.

读起来，还真的挺像回事儿的哦?

但是吧，我觉得：

* absorb 搭配 technology怕是不合理。

* superiority本也没有优越之处的可数意义。

* the two superiorities 和后面的that of young leaders中的that在单复数上不一致。

* 词汇有升级空间。

* 信息的呼应和关联性有升级空间。

* 可以通过句型的组织让句子的信息更完整从而清晰。

看下面

教师修改意见：

Compared with old people, who may be stubborn and clumsy with electronic

devices and apps, young people may be flexible and adept at manipulating

cutting-edge technologies; however, experience and steadiness enable candidates

of older ages to perform a better job in the leadership role.

*

词汇的升级是一回事，更重要的是：通过增加状语，明确“比较”，并且通过定语从句增加描述：stubborn和clumsy去对应flexible和adept。

*

整个句子不再用although引导的让步状语从句来描述年轻人，而改用however引导转折，效果在于把前后两个分句(分别描述年轻人和年纪大一些的人)都强化成了主句，从而使得这一整个句子成为段落的绝 对重心句子。

* 还有一些词汇亮点：steadiness、candidate、perform a job、leadership role。

小总结：

* 整体升级，需要体会，尤其体会句子的信息之间的呼应和关联性。